So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
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