1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
i now understand why vodka
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
