her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
is wine microwaveable?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
