In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
