Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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