dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
