Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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