It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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