yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Randomize
