eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I didn't notice because vodka
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
