He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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