I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
