Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
