Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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