Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
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