Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
