On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
