dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
