Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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