i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
