dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
