Define "chronic" masturbator.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
