I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
