Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
