She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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