I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
