I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
