is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
