Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
