I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
did i just pee glitter
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
