I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
