I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Randomize
