It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
