He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
