My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
