I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
