Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
