he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
