People with herpes should wear stickers.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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