Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
