Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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