I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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