the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
