Moan for me like Helen Keller
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I'm always down for nudity.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
