so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
