i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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