Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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