It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
