Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
