it wasn't lemon gatorade
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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