if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
